Who I Was vs. Who I Am

who i was vs. who i am...
First I'll say that I've had a very serious health issue. My thyroid caused alot of problems for me from age 24 - age 32. It got to the point that at age 32 I had surgery and had the whole thyroid removed.
I think of my life in 3 parts

1. before thyroid disease
2. durring thyroid disease
3. after thyroid disease

Life part 1:
I was pretty fit. I was active, I loved doing adventure things. I never dieted. I had body-image issues like I imagine every girl has. I would wish my thigh was smaller or worry about the way my clothes fit. But when I look at photos from back then. I'm happy with who I was. I walked and biked everywhere. I rollerbladed. If I needed to get somewhere...I would get there. I never said that I couldnt do anything because I didnt have a ride.
I loved hiking in the mountains. My family would go play tennis, we'd swim. We were members of a neighborhood pool every summer. I was always baked brown from being in the pool all summer. I rode my bike all over the city. I remember riding my bike out "g" street until I was out of the city limits. I never understood how to work my bike gears. I kept my bike in a big gear and anytime I hit wind I'd have to stand up to peddal. My family would drive to the foothills quite often and I would see these insane bicyclist riding up the highway..I would dream that I could do that too. I never put limits on myself. If anyone told me that I couldnt do something--it fueled me to do it.
I have so many bike memories.... I'll get into those another time.
When I lived in Fresno I didnt have a car, or a license, the whole time. I rollerbladed to work everyday. I just mapped it, it was 1.7 miles each way that I would rollerblade (on the road because there was no sidewalks). Once a month I rollerbladed to the Fashionfair mall, 6 miles there, 6 miles home. I remember it getting dark before I got home.
At age 18 I lived in the bay area with my (now) Husband and I walked, one time, from Pinole through 6 different citys by my self. It's not too hard to do in the bay area. The different cities run together.
I was also on the cross country team in Jr. High. I ran track in elementary school.
So you get the picture...I was active.

Part 2: I was pregnant with Liam and gained a bit of weight. I didn't worry too much about it though. Towards the end of the pregnancy I was tested to be boarderline gestational diabeates. Liam was a big baby! He was born 3 weeks early and was 8lb 8oz. My husband and I were so happy to be new parents. I wanted to be the best Mom but I struggled to have energy. I slept anytime the baby slept. I always felt drained. I breastfeed for 13 months. After his birth I had a huge weight gain. I was so fatigued. I thought I was so tired because I had a new baby. New babys need alot. I had absolutely no energy. In my mind...I went from someone who worked, was able to get out and be active...to now staying home and having to feed around the clock (he didnt sleep through the night until 10 months). I didnt think anything medically could be wrong with me...I thought I felt the way I felt and was gaining weight because of having a baby and not getting sleep, feeling tired all the time. I thought this is what everyone must go through. But at one check up I told the doctor that I sleep enough hours (interupted hours) but I never feel fully awake. She felt my thyroid and noticed it was enlarged. The Dr. had my blood tested but that was the end of it. It's hard to imagine what it's like to have thyroid disease...for me it was like I was in a cloud. When you first wake up, before you "wake up" you feel groggy... that was the most aleart that I felt all day. I never "woke up". It was a chore to do anything.
After a year of that my thyroid had grown bigger and then I couldnt have anything tough my neck. I felt like I always had a huge lump in my throat or like I was wearing a too-tight turtle neck sweater. The last year I felt like I was being strangled. Sleep was uncomfortable. Shirts were uncomfortable. I was not just over-weight at that point..I was over-over-weight. The thyroid was pressing in on my vocal coards. I had many days of larangitis.
Ok, so that's what I was feeling. But I still tried to get out. I rode my bike a bit. We would hike and It was always a struggle for me. I went from being first up the hill... to having everyone stop frequently to wait for me to catch up. I walked daily. I still gained weight. I went back to work and tried really hard to lose weight. I joined the gym and probably lost 15 lbs. --- if my thyroid was fixed at that time, for the amount of working out and trying to eat good.. I believe that 15lbs would have been 50 lbs. My immune system was very bad. I don't know if it's related but the last year before I had the thyroid removed, I cought every sickness that I was exposed too. I began to hate anyone who left their house sick. I started getting ear sicknesses. My ear would fill up with liquid and I would get 2-3 days of dizzy spins. My sinuses were always causing me trouble. I was a mess. I was really just a sick person serviving.
The doctor here sent me to a thyroid specialist. Up until now I had been told that I have hashimotos, a thyroid problem that is just a slow moving thyroid, enlarged, common problem in women. I had an ultra-sound done(that was so uncomfortable) My neck hurt anytime it was touched..and everytime it was examined the dr. would push in on it and for days I'd hurt. The ultra-sound showed that I actually have nodules on both sides of the thyroid. The specialist did a needle biopsy to check for cancer. I did not have cancer but was refered to to surgeon. I had the surgery and didnt feel any thing yet, there was still too much swelling. I was super sore for weeks. I think I took off 4 weeks from work(maybe more)I know It was supposed to be 2 and I had it extended because I was not recovered. I immediately new that I needed more medication than they were giving me and had a bit of a problem getting the proper dosage. It took 1 1/2 years of slowly upping my dossage every couple months before my doctor put me on the proper amount. I have to say that once I was on the right medicine...I felt so much better. I feel like a different person. I have energy now. I can think. I feel awake when I'm awake. It's huge!

Part 3: I am getting fit again. My thyroid level is where it should be, with medication...so now I have to do the work to shed these many-many-many extra pounds.