Lazy Ass Me!

I could have had a bikeride or a walk/jog. I just waited too long to go and then my kids had to go to bed and then William left for work... so I was watching the Biggest Loser and was feeling guilty about missing a day of working out.
I got the bright idea to do a step workout in my 2x2' area near my computer. I used the kids wooden stepstool (the one they use to brush teeth in the bathroom). I set my kitchen timer for 30 minuites. I was stepping up and down. Left, right, right left... arms up down. 10 minutes into it I grabbed a hand weight and used that for awhile. I was sweating. It was a good 30 minutes and I felt better that I moved my body.
I have been feeling so good working out lately that I feel so guilty if I don't get a walk or bike ride in. I'm riding for almost 2 hours now. My body feels so good after a really long work out. ..I have to make sure to keep up my motivation. The hardest part is getting out the door.

sat. ride
Worked early today(5:30am-2:30pm). I spent some time with my sister, daughter, nephews & my parents dog in my parents backyard. And when I say spending time..I meant scooping up dog poo together..
Actually we had a nice time (after the poo). The kids played - bickered - played - bickered(like always). Riley begs to play with Ethan all the time and when I finally take her it always goes like that.
I combed a handfull of hair out of Mac(and tried to teach him to walk on a leash).

I did my ride in the evening. It wasnt a long ride but I really felt good. I rode around the bike trail loop. Its a 3 mile loop that goes along the creek (you cross the creek at the 'g' street bridge and then the McKee bridge. It has some rolling parts and some flat parts. The north side has more rolling parts. On the north side of the creek I got face fulls of little bugs. Biking can't be all perfect...and the bug in the face, eyes, nose, mouth, ears...is one of those not-perfect parts. So I did the round 2 1/2 times both times with pleanty of bugs. I got to the Mc Kee bridge fast and I just could not bring myself to turn left to loop around the north side for a 3rd time so I turned south onto the road and rode home that way. It's a paved, part country road part city road. I turned onto the road that runs along the rail road tracks. I rode past cows then houses and then the school by my house. It was nice going a different way but the road was rough..bumpy. there was maybe 6 inches of shoulder so I was mostly riding on the white line(luckily there wasnt much traffic).
I felt good on my ride. I had The Goo Goo dolls to listen to.

ride time: 00:50:02
10.95 miles
av speed: 13.14
av cadance: 55
max speed: 21.48

Other news:
Someone stole the red blinky light from my seat post. It happened last week when I bike-commuted to work. I locked the bike infront of the building where it's very visible. I say stole because I highly doubt it fell of. It was there(i'm 99% certain) when I chained up my bike. When I got out of work at 10pm it wasnt there. So I'm bummed. I havent had to ride home late since. I'm just upset that I'm going to have to buy another one.

Today I'm a bicyclist
I rode 16 miles. I forced myself out of my door and onto my bike. I had no motivation today. I woke up knowing that I needed to have a good workout today. My stomach has been feeling really upset for the last few days... 2 of my sisters and a hand full of nieces and nephews have had the flu within the past 2 weeks. I've been taking it easy and sleeping alot. I've been waiting for it to develope into something..but it's the same. So I figured that if I was going to have the flu i'd have it by now and if I have it then this is probably the worst that it'll be.
I went out to ride and my stomach did ok until the half way point and then I was just uncomfortable.
I've been increasing my speed and length of ride over the past few months. Today I just couldnt keep my speed up. I tried to keep my adverage mph at 12.

Trip Distance:16.10
Trip Time: 1:20:34
Avg. Speed: 11.99 (it said 12.00--but I walked the bike up the sidewalk...)
Avg. Cadance: 51
est. calories burned: 613

I rode to the Lake, saw some cows, the corn is growing it's about 2 feet tall now--it seemed like that field was just being plowed...
The area that was set up for the college graduation is all gone now. The sky was so beautiful. 1/2 the time the sun was down enough that the sky was light..but I was in shade. It was a nice time to ride. It was windy and my stomach was nauseated but ...other than that it was nice.

Dieting Sucks!

Dieting sucks!
How many times have I started a diet? I don't know. I'm on one now and it seems to be working(I myself am surprised). I've started diets that lasted a day before I'd give up. I'd diet for a good week and give up. I'd start and lose 5 lbs and give up. I always got to a point where It was too hard and seemed like such a huge task. I don't just have 20 lbs to lose, ok.... I have 100(plus). To be on a diet for that long is ... hard to see an end.
I'm hungry. I'm hungry all day. I've been hungry since March, when I got serious about this diet. It's hard to imagine feeling miserable for that long. I have moments of relief... I have a snack or a meal and for a while I'll feel ok. But, the amount of food I'm getting means that feeling wont last. I have some snacks that it only takes the edge off. Cereal is one of my favorites because I don't feel hungry afterwards. Some of the Lean Cuisine meals that I eat are such small portions that I feel hungry before and still feel hungry after eating.

A few reasons why I'm having success:
I'm doing things differently now. I'm doing my research. I knew before, that exercise was important with diet to lose weight. So, like many things (I like to do things on my own) I never followed a plan I just tried to eat 'healthy' and exercise. I remember one attempt to get fit: I would walk at a good pace and Jamba Juice would be my destination, I would get a Jamba Juice and walk back home. Knowing what I know now...The Jamba Juice that I bought everyday had twice as many calories that I burned when I walked. I just thought being healthy was enough.
Even recently I thought I was doing good ordering the Taco Salad instead of the burrito... the salad has more calories than the burrito!
I'm really trying to pay attention to calories now.
I started riding my bike and at first a 20 minute ride was strenuous for me.
People don't realize it's not just peddling...my leg is having to go around and around, but because my stomach was big when I started this, my leg was lifting alot of pounds of stomach every time my foot came up to move the peddle around. Not only that but I couldn't put my legs in a good peddling form. I had to keep my knees pointing outward to avoid most of my stomach and because of my thighs being large.
I remember thinking that It would be easier to start with yoga. I tried and it was harder. I couldn't reach around the back of my knees to hold my leg into my body. I just got out of breath and decided that I had to try something else.
I stuck with the bike. It was easier on my feet than walking. I definitely couldn't run yet. I started biking to work a few times. It was a good distance to start with...took me at least 20 minutes when I first started. 20 minutes was about my limit back then(and I was sweating like crazy after any exercion)... little by little I added more time on the bike and went a bit faster and started feeling better. When I was able to bike for an hour I started noticing how sore it was to sit for that long and ordered a gel bike seat. and when I was riding more than and hour I ordered padded bike shorts. That made a huge difference. I felt like I was accomplishing something. I started logging my bike rides. I was amazed when I rode 13 miles. And then again when I rode 16 miles. I rode 20 miles 2 weeks ago and again 20 miles last week.
I asked my husband for a bike computer for my Mothers Day gift this year. For the last 2 weeks I've been able to keep accurate info about my rides. It's amazing how I've been able to keep this up.
I've now lost 40 lbs from my heaviest weight at my doctors office 1 1/2 years ago. 25 of that has been from this diet from March until now...(Last year I'd lost 5 here, 10 there... with out gaining it back but not keeping it up) I'm proud of myself...It's the hardest thing I've done. Hunger is not easy to handle. There are so many people eating horrible food infront of me at work and I smell everything. I walked past Round Table yesterday and smelled the Pizza....It was torture.

Who I Was vs. Who I Am

who i was vs. who i am...
First I'll say that I've had a very serious health issue. My thyroid caused alot of problems for me from age 24 - age 32. It got to the point that at age 32 I had surgery and had the whole thyroid removed.
I think of my life in 3 parts

1. before thyroid disease
2. durring thyroid disease
3. after thyroid disease

Life part 1:
I was pretty fit. I was active, I loved doing adventure things. I never dieted. I had body-image issues like I imagine every girl has. I would wish my thigh was smaller or worry about the way my clothes fit. But when I look at photos from back then. I'm happy with who I was. I walked and biked everywhere. I rollerbladed. If I needed to get somewhere...I would get there. I never said that I couldnt do anything because I didnt have a ride.
I loved hiking in the mountains. My family would go play tennis, we'd swim. We were members of a neighborhood pool every summer. I was always baked brown from being in the pool all summer. I rode my bike all over the city. I remember riding my bike out "g" street until I was out of the city limits. I never understood how to work my bike gears. I kept my bike in a big gear and anytime I hit wind I'd have to stand up to peddal. My family would drive to the foothills quite often and I would see these insane bicyclist riding up the highway..I would dream that I could do that too. I never put limits on myself. If anyone told me that I couldnt do something--it fueled me to do it.
I have so many bike memories.... I'll get into those another time.
When I lived in Fresno I didnt have a car, or a license, the whole time. I rollerbladed to work everyday. I just mapped it, it was 1.7 miles each way that I would rollerblade (on the road because there was no sidewalks). Once a month I rollerbladed to the Fashionfair mall, 6 miles there, 6 miles home. I remember it getting dark before I got home.
At age 18 I lived in the bay area with my (now) Husband and I walked, one time, from Pinole through 6 different citys by my self. It's not too hard to do in the bay area. The different cities run together.
I was also on the cross country team in Jr. High. I ran track in elementary school.
So you get the picture...I was active.

Part 2: I was pregnant with Liam and gained a bit of weight. I didn't worry too much about it though. Towards the end of the pregnancy I was tested to be boarderline gestational diabeates. Liam was a big baby! He was born 3 weeks early and was 8lb 8oz. My husband and I were so happy to be new parents. I wanted to be the best Mom but I struggled to have energy. I slept anytime the baby slept. I always felt drained. I breastfeed for 13 months. After his birth I had a huge weight gain. I was so fatigued. I thought I was so tired because I had a new baby. New babys need alot. I had absolutely no energy. In my mind...I went from someone who worked, was able to get out and be active...to now staying home and having to feed around the clock (he didnt sleep through the night until 10 months). I didnt think anything medically could be wrong with me...I thought I felt the way I felt and was gaining weight because of having a baby and not getting sleep, feeling tired all the time. I thought this is what everyone must go through. But at one check up I told the doctor that I sleep enough hours (interupted hours) but I never feel fully awake. She felt my thyroid and noticed it was enlarged. The Dr. had my blood tested but that was the end of it. It's hard to imagine what it's like to have thyroid disease...for me it was like I was in a cloud. When you first wake up, before you "wake up" you feel groggy... that was the most aleart that I felt all day. I never "woke up". It was a chore to do anything.
After a year of that my thyroid had grown bigger and then I couldnt have anything tough my neck. I felt like I always had a huge lump in my throat or like I was wearing a too-tight turtle neck sweater. The last year I felt like I was being strangled. Sleep was uncomfortable. Shirts were uncomfortable. I was not just over-weight at that point..I was over-over-weight. The thyroid was pressing in on my vocal coards. I had many days of larangitis.
Ok, so that's what I was feeling. But I still tried to get out. I rode my bike a bit. We would hike and It was always a struggle for me. I went from being first up the hill... to having everyone stop frequently to wait for me to catch up. I walked daily. I still gained weight. I went back to work and tried really hard to lose weight. I joined the gym and probably lost 15 lbs. --- if my thyroid was fixed at that time, for the amount of working out and trying to eat good.. I believe that 15lbs would have been 50 lbs. My immune system was very bad. I don't know if it's related but the last year before I had the thyroid removed, I cought every sickness that I was exposed too. I began to hate anyone who left their house sick. I started getting ear sicknesses. My ear would fill up with liquid and I would get 2-3 days of dizzy spins. My sinuses were always causing me trouble. I was a mess. I was really just a sick person serviving.
The doctor here sent me to a thyroid specialist. Up until now I had been told that I have hashimotos, a thyroid problem that is just a slow moving thyroid, enlarged, common problem in women. I had an ultra-sound done(that was so uncomfortable) My neck hurt anytime it was touched..and everytime it was examined the dr. would push in on it and for days I'd hurt. The ultra-sound showed that I actually have nodules on both sides of the thyroid. The specialist did a needle biopsy to check for cancer. I did not have cancer but was refered to to surgeon. I had the surgery and didnt feel any thing yet, there was still too much swelling. I was super sore for weeks. I think I took off 4 weeks from work(maybe more)I know It was supposed to be 2 and I had it extended because I was not recovered. I immediately new that I needed more medication than they were giving me and had a bit of a problem getting the proper dosage. It took 1 1/2 years of slowly upping my dossage every couple months before my doctor put me on the proper amount. I have to say that once I was on the right medicine...I felt so much better. I feel like a different person. I have energy now. I can think. I feel awake when I'm awake. It's huge!

Part 3: I am getting fit again. My thyroid level is where it should be, with medication...so now I have to do the work to shed these many-many-many extra pounds.

I want to make myself into a...

Like the mtv show...I wanna be made. I have so many ideas in my head about what I am and what I can be. It's up to me to accomplish what I set out to do.
..actually it's up to me to set out to do.
I want to be made into a runner, a swimmer, and a biker. Actually...I'll settle for wanting to be made into a fit person. I want to get fit enough to actually do a triathalon, or a run, or a bike race. Not that I would actually do one...but I want to get to the point where I could do one if I wanted.
Christmas I focused on fitness. I asked for rollerblades and my wonderful husband came through. My son received xbox dance dance revolution for a christmas present. My husband got an ab-rocket(for situps). I put on my rollerblades that day and went out to ride for a few minutes. I went to the end of the road and back and my legs and lower back were deffionately tightened up and sore. I was sore for the next few days. I am so out of shape. I am so over weight. My mind is motivated...but my body is inhibiting me!
I started biking for fitness. I have alot of weight to lose and I cant do just any activity(some are easier and some are impossible at this point). I can walk, hike, swim, bike. Because of my weight... walking and hiking are harder for me to do. I have a pain in my left foot that comes when I'm on my feet for a long period of time. I'm sure it's mostly because I work and walk on a concrete floor most of the day and because the amount of my weight. My joints are ok right now. I've had pain in the past with my knee. The only think that really is limiting me now is my foot pain. Biking has been the easiest exercise for me to do, and do for an extended time. I started biking to work and back(3 miles each way). I rode bike with my kids. I went out and rode by my self. I went on longer and longer rides. It got easier and easier.


I've been trying to round up alot of motivational sources. I searched itunes for anything about bikes and found countless podcasts.

Nutrition

I've kicked off my fitness adventure. I have motivation in me. It's not always there and ...It's about time. I started biking to work. Then I started biking just to bike. I've started playing tennis...I've even jogged.
And I'm seeing some awesome results. I am trying really hard to be active every single day.
I'm also doing the diet part. My opinion about dieting is that it completely SUCKS! I hate feeling hungry all the time. Now, after saying that...let me say that I completely understand that it's necessary. I have to lose weight and to do that I have to suffer and feel the pangs of only eating a bit here and there. (by a bit I mean a normal size)
I am mad at myself for getting so out of shape. I had trouble with my thyroid gland and that part is not my fault...but I probably made matters worse by accepting the weight gain and just living with it. I figured that skinny people are always watching calories and since I got large and wasnt going to change being large...I'd just enjoy whatever food I wanted to eat. I wouldnt have gained as much weight(I don't think) if I'd have controlled my eating.
I have tried getting fit before(many times in fact). At one time my health problems w/ my thyroid prevented it...but now that I've had surgery and take pills for my thyroid I'm very healthy. My thyroid level is normal now and my body should now respond to diet and excersise.
This has been my pattern:
1)Start a diet. 2)Do good for a few days. 3)Have a special occasion that I "allow" myself to eat normal...just for the day. 4)Don't go back to the diet.
or
1)Start a diet 2) only diet for half the day 3) eat normal dinner 4) doesnt work
or
1) start exercising 2) add diet 3) desserts are in the house (halloween candy, cookies,etc) 4)realize that if i'm on a diet...but cheat on the diet...then I'm not really on a diet
or
1) start a diet 2)do good for a while 3)get tired of always being hungry because being hungry sucks

so, yeah. I don't know how many years I've been on a diet or planning to start a diet or taking a break from a diet.

I am now dieting for 6 weeks. I am doing alot of fitness...and I'm keeping to a diet fairly well. I keep thinking "wow, I've been able to keep this up..for long enough this time to see some results".
One thing that's different about this time is that I'm finding out alot about nutrition. I'm trying to do things the 'correct' way. Blending carbs and proteins. I remember trying to get 'fit' by walking everyday to jamba juice. Now that I think about it I probably would burn 300-400 calories(it was a good distance) But then I'd get a Jamba Juice that was 400-500 calories. I couldnt lose weight even though I walked every day.

I always thought I was supposed to give up caffeine and that's one thing that would always throw off my diet plans. Coffee is something I really don't want to give up. I've read a few articles recently, that say caffeine is good for working out and losing weight. So that is very good news.

I have made some changes to my Starbucks fix though.
I was ordering a venti white mocha. That sometimes was a tripple or a quad.
Then I started saying "no" to the whip cream.
Next I asked for 1% milk. Starbucks used to mix these with whole milk but switched to 2% awhile ago...so they made that change for me.
So The 'barista' had an issue w/ me ordering 1%...because they don't have 1%(he had to mix 1/2 2% and 1/2 non-fat milk)
I asked for non-fat milk after that. Lately I've been asking for less 'pumps' of the while mocha. Starbucks uses 5...which is pretty sweet. I asked for 4 pumps for a while. Now for 2 weeks it's been 3pumps.
So currently this is what I order:
Venti, non-fat, 3pump, 3shot, white mocha, no whip, 130 degrees.

Today the barista said: Pretty soon you'll just be ordering latte... I think he might be right. It would be less complicated. I'm really just trying to get the calories down with out giving it up completely. I do enjoy the coffee espresso flavor more now with out the sweetness.

So that's one change. Another is that I've started refering to my meals and food and my "nutrition". In my head I get ready for work and think about what my nutrition will be and put it all together in one bag that I'll spread out into 3-4 eating times. Carrots, 10 calorie jello, chicken lunch meat(no sandwich), carrots, veggies, salad, lean cuisine meals(~180 calories), hardboiled egg, strawberries, nuts....things like that. I'll make sure that when I eat something I have some carbs and some protein every time. If I have 'carb'-carbs I have them early in the day.
When I exercise I make sure to have a snack before (kashi lean protein bar is one of my favorites)and a snack after(a slice of lunch meat and a banana). Dinner: could be a salad: chef style w/ meat and egg.
I used to buy ranch, then low-fat ranch, now fat-free ranch.
Breakfast: cereal with non-fat milk. This week I've made some oatmeal and sliced a banana into it.
Drink: I havent had soda. Maybe 2 total in this 6 week period. I'm drinking water or coffee. OJ a few times. I had a Jamba Juice the other day after a ride(but that was in place on a lunch).
Meat: I havent had any red meat for this 6 weeks. I'm having some chicken. I got turkey breast sandwich meat. I've had, a couple of times, ham. & then Eggs and hardboiled eggs.
Fruits: Bananas, apples, orange, strawberries, pear...
Veggies: Carrots, asparagus, broccoli, beans, salad

I've tried to not eat after 6...but that doesnt always happen if I'm working till 11pm. My lunch is late and then for break 2 at 8pm. If I skip then I might be hungry when I get home and have cereal. If I have 1/2 a protein bar on my last break it's better.